I feel in a reflective mood this evening, probably down to my return to work tomorrow. I had doubts whether I would reach this point, not knowing if I would ever feel ready or no longer able to cope or do my job to the best of my ability. Things that once were part of my daily life became impossible. Leaving the house was a struggle so work seemed totally unachievable. My working life became a huge hurdle, a hurdle that I myself made taller and taller. Yet here I am. I'm about to leap, maybe heave myself, over that hurdle. I am ready to get my life back.
I am fortunate to have people inside and outside of work who have been extremely supportive. Maybe they don't realise how much they've helped because a simple 'how are you' has aided my recovery. I know everyone is not like that because I've heard it with my own ears. A misconception about mental rather than physical illness is that it's something you can control. I learnt the hard way that you can't. I sometimes wish I had spoke my mind there and then. You wouldn't judge or expect someone with cancer to get over it. Some people may find that comparison unfair or extreme but some mental illnesses strip a person of who they are so they no longer look after themselves and even take their lives. Society still has a long way to go when it comes to the perception of mental illness.
For those people who have stood by me thank you. I appreciate it isn't easy to see someone you care about hurting. I know it's sometimes hard to find the words to say. I'm fortunate enough to have a loving and caring family and weird and wonderful friends. I have been given positive words of encouragement and comfort, been given thoughtful gifts, been told I am brave and that they are proud of me. For that I am truely thankful, more than you could know.
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