2016. Probably the toughest year of my life. Scratch that. Definitely the worst year. Just as I opened up about my mental health, I opened up about my miscarriage. I was surprised to find out how common it was. I'd mention it and more often than not people would say they went through the same thing, or someone they knew had. If only it was spoken about more we would see that we are not failures, there isn't anything wrong with you, it doesn't mean you can't have a successful pregnancy and you're not less of a woman. Of course that doesn't take away the pain or make it any less personal to you, just that it happens a lot to a lot of people.
This year started off fairly badly. My anxiety was increasing and peaked when I had a breakdown of sorts in work. It left me housebound for some time and I've had a lot of time off work. Then I had a miscarriage. Then I got scammed online. We are still fighting with our previous letting agents. Sean got let down with a promotion in work. Sean has very recently broken his leg. When so much negativity is happening in your life it is hard to see the positives. You almost come to expect bad things and become more and more accustomed to them. Now we are coming up to the middle of the year and I'm hoping the second half will be kinder. I hate the saying 'things happen for a reason'. I know there are people worse off than me. But what I've learnt is it's okay to be pissed off, frustrated and feel hard done by. Sometimes a stiff upper lip isn't an option. However I won't let these things consume me.
Anxiety wise I am feeling better. I'm just starting to dip a toe into work (which became a huge barrier). I am more accepting of my illness and less likely to beat myself up about it. Just like diabetics need insulin, my brain needs medication (I know some people are adverse to medication but it seems to be helping me). I'm currently doing an online CBT course though I prefer to talk on a face to face basis. Perhaps talking therapy may be an option in the future. For now I'm going to continue what I am doing and work towards becoming me again.
