The thinker

Call it a blessing or a curse, I am a deep thinker. Having an inquisitive mind can be exhausting yet exhilarating. Did curiosity kill the cat or is ignorance bliss? It has been said that creative minds are often the most tortured. I've asked myself many times would I swap my mind for an ignorant mind? If so, would that ignorance equal strength? Would my life be truely fulfilling in a blissful blur....I guess I will never know.

As you can probably tell I'm in a reflective mood tonight. Everyone at some point must question their decisions and what path to go down given the choice again. It's true that experiences make who you are, but what if you could experience things differently?  I guess all these questions are arising as I'm fast approaching 30. Age is a number right? I don't think so. As much as I don't feel like an adult, I do feel like I've grown as a person. I think of my life 10 years ago. Heck, 15 years ago. Things that seemed like my whole world then aren't so much anymore. My worries, deepest fears, hopes for the future (or lack of) have changed dramatically.

I really feel like I've found myself in my 20's. I have found great company, true friends, like minded people who comfort, reassure and tell me when I'm being a dick. In my teens my life resolved around my friends and how I was perceived. Loving the wrong people. Not being sure of myself. The usual. I often wonder what I'll make of this part of my life in another 10 years. I'm far from being established as a contented, satisfied individual. I doubt I ever will be.

It's hard being yourself. If I could write something to my younger self I'd probably say 'You will embrace who you are.' Certain social situations are still hard for me and I sometimes feel that awkward teen stirring inside me. But I'm getting better at them. Just don't expect to engage in non awkard small talk with me! ;)